Dear Past Self,
I could tell you not to try. I could tell you not to love with your whole heart, and to turn your back, and save yourself countless nights of tears and worrying. But I won't tell you that. Because there is nothing that would justify saying that. Go out there and love. Don't hesitate. Just do it.
This is going to hurt like you have never hurt before. You will fall into a dark hole and you will experience an awful kind of heartbreak. But do it. Go out and give everything to them, and wonder why they don't give anything back, and get your heart broken, and experience pain and loss in ways you didn't know you could. As I sit here writing this letter to you, my past self, I can tell you that it still hurts. That i have not yet reached the end of it all. That anybody in their right mind would rather go back and change what they've done. But I don't wish that. And truthfully, even if I had the choice to go back, I think I'd still do the same things. And I think, maybe, I'm the one in the right mind.
So you may think it cannot hurt that much, if I would go through it all again. You're wrong. You're very wrong; it hurt like hell. The pain was quite unbearable. But yet, although it sounds corny, love seems to have won out. Love stands out to me, and matters most to me, rising like a waving flag above a mess of destruction. You're wrong about a lot of things. I write to you as if you are fifteen years old, and have not yet taken the turn in your life that will lead you to this. And let me tell you; you're going to learn a lot. You're going to realize that even in the wisdom you have now, you have so much that you do not know.
I won't wish you luck, I know where you end up. I'm still fighting today; it's not over. I know that you end up in pain as of now, and that you end up heartbroken. But listen. One day, I'll write another letter to the person I am now. And like this letter, i will have learned so much more than I knew at the time. I know this fight will not be easy for you. I know that you will kick and scream and cry. But you will end up alive, and with hope. You will find yourself amazed at how much you can take. You will find yourself surprised very much, and will have sudden realizations that help you.
And please. Please love yourself. I know that you will not. I know you won't. I know that you need help on that. That still, I need help on that. But I can tell you now, looking back, I love the person I was. I guess it's just harder loving myself now. But I've gotta get through that. Why stop fighting now? Even in the bleakest of days, why stop trying? Why stop loving?
I love you, you fifteen year old naive girl with a heart that aches for everyone.
I love you. I have hope that we're, you're, I'm... gonna end up happy.
