Things I've Overheard At School

"He has herpes?!"
"She kissed his nose."
"I'm bringing two kegs."
"I'm gonna try to give him a hickey!"

I hate my school.
I'm disgusted by the majority of the people in my school.
A lot of them suck.
Most of them suck.
They're gross, repulsive, and most of the girls are sluts.
Most of the guys are manwhores.
I hate my school.

Today is a what-the-hell day.

Today is a what-the-hell day. I woke up this morning and was like, what the hell. I was late for school, but what the hell. And there’s a trip that I want to go on with my church, but it’s $100 and my parents don’t want to pay for it right now because they just had to buy a new heater, but I mean, what the hell. I’m going. My mom got all pissy because I kept telling her that yes, I was going, and that I wouldn’t let the money get in my way. She left my room in a fit, so I sent her a text on her cell saying that I was going. She didn’t think that was very funny, but I thought it was hilarity at it’s finest. Then when I was leaving to go to school the car door was frozen shut and wouldn’t open. When it finally did, I was like, oh come on, what the hell was the point of that? And then I got here and I realized, shit, I forgot my glasses. So I called my mom in Mr. Campbell’s room on the phone that makes you dial 9 for an outside number, and I was standing in the doorway talking to her. And let me tell you, there are some interesting people in this school. I must have been thinking, what the hell, over and over because some people in this school our just plain interesting. Not in the best way, either. And now I’m sitting here… and I’m still like what the hell. This day is just so weird, and I don’t know if you even get what I mean, but I don’t really care if you do, anyway. Point is, today is stupid and weird. It’s like I woke up today and saw things for how weird they are, and how ridiculous everything is. We as people do some freaky shit, okay? And it’s kind of sad just how realistic the teenage movies are getting. We’ve got the stereotypes down pat in this school: the drunk sluts, or as I like to call them, the drinking brigade, the artists, the nice people who make you smile, the people who scare you, the sporty people who are either really nice or really gross, the disgusting couples who act like they’re cute but really make you want to puke, and also the people who like to think they’re tough and enjoy beating up other people. Which reminds me of last year, when a really mean chick almost punched me in the face, but I’ll discuss that more later.

People.

People bother me very often, for so many reasons. Some people don't move in the hallways. Some people are constantly rude to everyone. Some people make stupid decisions. Some people pretend to be something they're not. I mean, why? I don't understand it.
I had the worst Valentine's Day ever this year. And I mean, it was BAD. One of my friends was heartbroken, and seeing his pain broke my heart, and another one of my friends found a guy she liked who isn't even a nice guy, and another one of my friends has a relative in the hospital... it's all just a mess. Life. For me, my gosh, I don't even want to go into it! But let's just say there were some arguments and there were tears and it was just, you know, dreadful. And it seems as though everyone and their sibling is in love. Except me, I'm just kind of walking around with nobody to think about. Okay, yeah, I just said something about that guy Paul in my other post, but in reality, I don't even think I like him all that much. And it's just occurred to me that people actually read my blog, including strangers, but I got a blog so I would have somewhere to vent and so that's what I'm going to do, whether people read it or not. I've already said this in my first post; these are my thoughts, my dreams, my feelings, and if anybody else reads it, well, that's their choice. But class is about to end and I should probably pack up. And shit, I have to do homework that's do today.

I wrote this in Creative Writing today.

Just thought I'd share it.

Cellar Door

It seems to me that cellar doors come in many different forms. They can be people who get in your way of things, whether it’s a bitch at school, a bad parent, or even a loved one who has problems that interfere with your own life, especially if you live in the same household. Cellar doors always have one thing in common, though: they’re ominous, haunting, and are made of a hard, cold steel. Some of us will sit through our whole lives waiting for it to open. Some of us will bang upon it, bruising and bloodying our fists until they’re beat and broken. Others will simply find a way to live happily in the cellar they’ve been put into in life, and will ignore the fact that there is more outside waiting for them. Others will find holes in the ground, and will dig themselves up through the ground to get to where they want to be, but will find themselves scarred and marred in the end, realizing they lost too much along the way. But then there are the few in life who are strong enough to open the cellar door. Who make it budge a little bit, and then work and work at it until finally, with great relief, the door is opened and a beam of light shines through. This doesn’t happen very often, but when it does, it’s truly a beautiful thing. It’d be nice if it happened more. Think for a second; how often do you refuse what you want to do for the sake of something or someone else that’s holding you back? Have you ever not shared a hobby with someone you admire because you feel that there are others much better? Those others who you think are better make up your cellar door. I guess we all have something, you know? We all have a struggle to go through, a door that won’t seep to open, a darkness that overwhelms and scares us so much. Think about it, we are all so scared of not getting out of the darkness in our lives. I know that I’m trying to find a way out from my cellar door. I’m trying to pull at the handle, and I’m gasping for air, because things definitely are not going as smoothly as I’d planned. But I’m trying. And I don’t plan on giving up the fight, or giving up on other things to get there. So I’m fighting, I’m trying, I’m determined, and I’m doing my best to get this cellar door open. Are you?

I'm always stuck in the middle of things.

I'm always in the middle of things. When my parents fight, they're always trying to get me on their side. One of my girl best friends and one of my guy best friends went out, had a nasty break-up, and now I'm in the middle of that. Oh and this guy likes one of my really good friends and now I'm in the middle of that too. Oh yeah and last night another guy friend asked me if I could help him out with another acquaintance of mine, too. What a mess.
Well, I'm done with the middle. I want to do something for me for once, for my life.
Being in the middle sucks. I always find myself breaking hearts that aren't even mine to break.

I tend to suck at life sometimes.

So last night I went to a superbowl party, right? Well there was this kid there. His name is Paul. And when he first came to the youth group I'm in, which is where the party was, I wasn't attracted to him at all. In fact, I'm friends with his sister. But last night he looked better than usual, and had even gotten a haircut, which looked really nice. He was embarrassed of the haircut... in fact...
It's very possible that we playfully wrestled and I tried to get his hat off, while he tried to keep it on. We were like all over each other, and ugh... I just got so mad because well, even though it felt like I liked him, I know I really don't.
I have this thing. It's called iwanttobeinlovesomuchsyndrome. IDK, I just want to experience teenage love so much. Bahhh. But the only person I like is Nick Jonas, who I don't even know. The thing is, I just want to like someone so much that I convince myself that I do like someone, but really, I don't. It's kind of sad. I just don't have anybody here to feel that way about, and I really want one. I don't know, but we were all over each other, flirting like crazy, it was... weird. I felt so angry at myself because it wasn't real and why can't it just be real? Why can't I experience a crush for real, not including my celebrity crush on Nick Jonas? Ugh. Well, this is a short school week, so that makes things a bit better. I'll hang out with my friends and stuff. And on Thursday I'll see Paul again... gahh!!!!!
This always happens to me. Now it's time to go to drama club and chase after Conrad Birdie in the play Bye Bye Birdie. Although he doesn't really mind the chasing, because he chases me back, along with every other girl in the play. And in the drama club there is this boy who's like in love with me... what the heck. I'm so confused. With life and boys and love and everything. :(

I got glasses!

I got glasses tonight and they're making my head hurt really badly because they're so damn strong. But they're awesome! I actually got two awesome pairs, so yay! But my mom and dad are fighting again, so I'm not really in the best of moods. They always fight, they're so childish. And it hurts a lot. They really don't even understand how upset I get. I don't know if their relationship will ever get better but what I do know is that I can't let that stop me from leading a happy and worthwhile life. I can't sulk. And you may be thinking, uhh, well everybody's parents fight, stop overreacting. But listen, you don't get it, I could very easily become really really sad and depressed if I let myself, because they always include me in their fights. But whatever.

Point being, I have glasses and I have a really dysfunctional family.
Syanara for now!

So, I have a blog.

I have a blog now. Woo-hoo!
I needed something to write everything into. And I don't care if anybody reads this, or if anybody even cares, but this is where I'm going to go to to express how my day went, what the hell I'm thinking about, and to talk about my dreams. I live in Pennsylvania, which is just a waste of a state, I guess. I don't know, some would argue with me, but I'm different. I want more than this simple suburban life that I'm living. But before I get into all of that, just let me tell you the basics first.
My name is Erin. I'm 15. My hair is dirty blonde, I'm 5 foot 7 inches, I weigh 130 pounds, but who the heck cares what I weigh or how tall I am? Doesn't make me who I am. But anyway, because you're probably wondering what I look like, I'll tell you. My eyes are blue/green/grey, and they have a ring of brown in the center. Oh, and we already discussed my hair color. What else, uhh... idk. I don't even know if I'm pretty. I think I am, I think I'm beautiful, but I don't know how others see me. And truth be told, I don't really care. That sets me apart from other teenagers already. I'm very different, I guess. Okay, I don't guess, I know. I'm mature and smart. And that makes me really different, because most of the people I know who are my age are dumb and immature. I don't have a favorite color, and I really don't do favorites on much, because I like a lot of different things for a lot of different reasons. I like a ton of different bands, so if you name one, I'll probably have heard of them and either like them or not. I love music. Let's make that clear.
My parents are together, and I have a brother and a sister, and a dog whom I love soooo much. But family comes later, because that's a novel all in itself. I have a good amount of friends, but I don't have a best friend. But whatever, it happens. I don't have a boyfriend either, but once again, that's a whole different story for a whole different day. I'm in class right now, and it's ending, so I'm going to go. But I'll update soon.

Erin