Wow, a lot has happened lately.

My life has been pretty crazy lately, for a high school girl's anyway. It seems like life is getting more and more ridiculous every day. I don't quite know how to describe things as they're going right now. I think people read this blog, so I can't say all that much anymore. But I will say this; In the past month, I have truly realized that everyone around us, everyone, has a problem and has something going on in their life that they'd rather not be happening. Depression, addiction, unrequited love, a broken home, a family torn apart by betrayal and secrets.
I wonder if it's possible to fall in love with the pieces of someone that you can see behind their depression. Not fall in love romantically, but fall in love as a friend, simply love those parts of them. Well, love all parts of them hiding behind the depression. It's hard to describe, hard to understand. I guess you'd have to be in the situation. I don't suggest you go getting yourself into this situation anytime soon. Although maybe it'd be a little easier for other people.
I am an over-empathetic person. There's a term for someone like me: an empath. Someone who feels others emotions and takes on other people's pain. Like, so, I'll sit there and cry for other people. I'll cry for other people's problems. And it's usually other people's; I don't cry for my own problems nearly as much. See, being an "empath" is both a blessing and a curse. I can help other people, and can be there for them as a true friend, and I'll do A LOT to help people out. But it's a curse because sometimes I'll neglect my own needs, and won't remember to worry about myself at the end of the day.
I'm trying to write a song for someone and play it on the guitar. It's going to be hard, but I'm going to do it. For them, and for me. They've kind of inspired me to really actually learn the guitar, you know? I mean, they're going through so much, and they just keep trudging on. If they can do that, then I can write and compose a song on the guitar.
I wish that people you care about knew that you really did care, you know? I wish this person knew that I truly want what's best for them, and that I think they're a beautiful person. I wish I wish I wish I wish I wish. Well, I'm going to do all that I can do for this person. Because I want to see them happy and smiling and laughing and I want them to let themselves be loved so bad. I want them to be happy SO SO bad. They deserve happiness. They really, truly do.

I feel awful.

I feel like death on a Wednesday morning. My head is bruised on the side because a dog tried to bite me, I'm exhausted, I'm hot, my stomach hurts, I'm thirsty, and I just plain feel like crap. Not a good day to have gym, right? Well, too bad, because I have gym. I just want to go home and have something really cold to drink. And I don't want to be tired anymore, because I want to have the energy to do the things I want to do. So I have to go for blood tests. I probably don't even have anything wrong with me, my body itself probably just sucks at life. That or I have a fatal disease and only have two more months left in me. I'm never eating again. Every time I eat I get a stomachache. Oh, and I used to rarely get headaches, but now I'm getting these short little headaches ever day or two. They're not severe, and I'm very thankful that they don't hurt that much, but it's weird, because I used to practically never get them. And I'm either too hot or too cold, barely ever comfortable. I wish that some doctor could just like magically make me feel good and healthy and strong and energized. I can't believe I'm wasting my time writing about how absolutely crap I feel, but I can't ignore it, it just sucks so much. I have to go to the bathroom now too because I didn't have time to go before school this morning. I woke up at 7 and came to school looking like a mess, but I can hardly find the energy to care. I could have come to school in pajamas and still felt the same way I do now. I have so much work to make up. I feel so overwhelmed and stressed. If there's nothing wrong with me right now, I'll give myself a stomach ulcer just from all the stress I'm under. Ugh. UGHHHH.