I hate Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

Tuesdays and Wednesdays will be the death of me if nothing else is.
I don't do anything on those days, and honestly like I can't take them. Not at all. Today's Monday, so I have service club after school. Thursday, go over to a friend's and then go to youth group. Friday and Saturday I usually always have plans, Sunday is Church, then back to Monday's service club, but Tuesdays and Wednesdays? Ugh, disgusting. Gross gross gross gross.
I haven't been going over to this one friend's house all that much though and I used to go twice a week, but now things are getting more hectic over there I think.
You know, that's just what we need right now, something else bad to happen with that situation... but it did, because that's life.
I am aware that I have a problem. It's called "Hey, yeah, I have to see this person or else I'll freak out and the only reason for that is because there's not much time left before I can't see this person oh and guess what I have a crush on this person oh and guess what else it will never work out".
Yeah, that's what I have.
Okay, hold on a second, who's to say it will never work out? Couldn't anything happen? I mean seriously, can't anything happen... can't it be possible? Haha, look at me, falling in love with disaster again. It's as if I love this pain, as if I enjoy the ache in my heart, as if I'm not myself unless I'm a sad, sad song. (yeah okay some of that was lyrics I won't lie)
Honestly I made such a stupid decision the other day, like what is my problem?
Seriously, what the hell is my problem? Why the hell did I do that? I... am... such a stupid person to do what I did, like honestly I'm dumb as hell to do that. Not planning on doing it again, ever. It will only lead me down like the darkest path that there is. So I'm turning around. I've come to the entrance to that dark forest, and I am shaking my head no, turning around, and walking away.
You know what a lot of people don't know about me? I'm scared to death of people leaving me and forgetting about me. Ha, it's kind of funny how someone may be afraid of me leaving them when really I'm afraid of them leaving me.
Listen, I'm not depressed, and I'm not sad all the time. In fact, I'm usually pretty happy a lot of the time, and I want people to know that when I write this stuff it's not that at the moment I'm really sad or that I'm depressed, it's just that I need an outlet, and this is where I can go to let those feelings out.

I keep wanting to use the word love but I really don't know, and I really don't want to make that promise or commitment at this time, it would destroy me.
Well. I mean.
I'll look at the positives.
At least we've got ice cream at home.