It will never work out.

He's damaged, that's what I'm told. I know that. I just wish he wasn't. Why does he have to be damaged? Why can't I fix him? How am I supposed to concentrate in school when all I want to do is freak out and break down? It won't ever work out, I don't think. Ugh. See, this is me arguing with myself. It's like all the songs that I hear make so much sense to me. So much sense it's overwhelming, it's scary.
I'm afraid to let myself feel for this person because it will only hurt me in the end, I got that. Only, you know, it's not all that easy to just forget and to just say, okay, I'm over it. And besides, I'm not about to become yet another person who just deserts him. Only I can't help thinking that it's possible this isn't one-sided. In fact, I really don't think it's one-sided anymore. That's scary. It gives me hope, too, but I don't WANT it to give me hope, because then that hope will just be crushed.
I guess all along I knew this was going to happen, I knew that things were going to go deeper than they should go if I don't want my heart to get broken again. No, I don't necessarily mean romantic heartbreak, but heartbreak in general. I really don't think I can afford to get my heart broken again. I'm a pretty strong Christian, and I've prayed about this. God answered with quite a difficult answer: wait. But see, I'm having a really really really really hard time doing that.
If this feeling was one-sided, then why does it seem like for some reason there might be something not just on my side, but between us? And I'm starting to see something in his eyes; yeah, whatever, I know it sounds weird, but it's like I'm not just looking at someone so lost and depressed anymore, it's like there's something, some real piece of himself, peeking out, and I'm starting to see it. His eyes are becoming lighter. Less... empty, I guess? I know it sounds weird, but that's what it seems like. Like they're less empty, like something's coming back, and it's there between us...
I shouldn't expect anyone to understand. Because, honestly, I have a hard time understanding it all myself. I just need to let this out. I can't handle holding it in, it's suffocating me.