Things are better. Sort of.

I won't lie, I'm feeling better even though I sincerely thought I wouldn't.
But I won't lie about the fact that it's still really hard, too. I'm not giving in, not returning his emails, not accepting his friend requests. And although I know it's the right thing to do, and I'm feeling happier lately, it's still like a punch to the heart whenever I ignore him and whenever I turn away. My other friend just was broken up with by her boyfriend, and she's going through a tough time, and it's awful hearing her going through so much pain. Also, her pain reminds me of my own pain. So while things are better, they still, umm, aren't. Also because I'm still witnessing another friend's abuse in her family. I'm working on something for that. It was an impulsive decision, actually, but I'm not angry that I made it. In fact, I think I should have made it long ago.
Not to say I'm not scared to death about what the results may be. I'm petrified. And I'm worried about my friend being away from me. But her safety and mental health and even physical health mean a lot to me, and being away from her would be worth it if she were to find happiness and peace in her chaotic life.
You can be a strong Christian with incredible faith and still be lost.
You can be all about God and still doing some of the worst things.
If he emails me again, I'm going to have to say something... but I'd rather tell him in person that I need a lot of time and that the next time we talk, if we do, should be on my terms. I don't like to think "if we do".
My friend's birthday is tomorrow. I'm excited. Love the girl. If I could buy her the world, I would.