I can't function today.

I came to school today and honestly couldn't even function. I had to make a speech for running for class president, and I just started thinking about how stupid some people can be and the bad choices they make, and I just got so angry. I went to my school counselor and yelled about it, then went back to class. But now I'm angry again. I went to the nurse because I just felt so sad and couldn't concentrate. Couldn't function.
I feel like I'm suffocating. I shouldn't be at school right now. I want to go home and roll up in my covers and cry for hours. I want someone to hold me. I want someone to say they love me, someone who doesn't have to love me. Someone who wants to. I want to be able to pray to God more. I want to be happy. I want him to feel. I want him to cry.
I don't know how to describe my pain. I don't know any words that would do it justice right now. I just know that I am being completely overcome by heart-wrenching sadness. I don't want to become depressed like my sister.
My gosh, I just love that boy. And he doesn't love me. Would he miss me if I left? Do I mean anything to him? My gosh, these answers should be obvious! He'd be devastated if I left; it would be yet another person who betrayed him. And of course I mean something to him. Whether he wants to admit it or not. My earphones are in and the music is turned up so loud that it almost hurts. But anything to get my mind off of everything else. Almost anything, I mean. I don't want to die. Even though it feels like this pain alone could kill me.
The song "I Don't Want To Be In Love" by Good Charlotte just came on. That's really cruel irony. I DON'T want to be in love. Okay, that's a lie. What I really don't want is to be in love alone.
AAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO!
I WANT TO SCREAM!
THIS ISN'T FAIR. I'M ANGRY AT GOD.
God, why?!?!?! Why does he have to go through this, and why did I have to fall in love with him?!?!?! This isn't fair! God, please. Please have mercy on them, have mercy on me, send a miracle that will change everything, PLEASE!
Take this pain away... I've always been told to give all my troubles to you. So go ahead, take them. Take them from me, take them off of my shoulers, I'm giving them to you, so here, take them.

That was weird. Suddenly I'm not as upset. I'm not kidding. Suddenly the ache is fading. This is weird.
Well, thanks, God.
Really.
Wow.
I'm kind of shocked. I'm kind of shocked at how I just asked for strength, and it was given to me.
What I have to work on is letting God figure out the rest of the situation. To let what's meant to happen happen. To not worry. To not try to save everybody and to not try to rescue everything and everyone all by myself. I have to let God do that.
It's as if in order to get me through the day, He calmed me and took some of the pain away.
Wow. I seriously just experienced something incredible...
I feel much better now...
:/
hmm.
fine with me.
God kinda rocks.
Seriously, wow. I can't explain it, just... I feel like I was just filled with God's love! Wow wow wow. As I type, I'm becoming stronger. Literally, I'm completely like wow right now. I feel stronger. Much stronger.
I have been saved by God time and time again.
He has saved me time and time again. He will never give up on me.
I can never... No, I will never give up on Him. I won't give up on this life He has given me. He has great plans for me. And even though I have no idea how my mood has suddenly turned around, I can say that I am quite excited to see what these plans are.