I want to break things. I want to destroy myself. I feel such incredible self-hatred that I cannot even describe it. I want to tear myself up and throw myself around, I want to scream, I want to break everything and smash mirrors and throw darts at pictures of myself. I have such self loathing inside of me that I cannot even describe it. I want to ruin my life, I want to mess everything up, I want to ruin me. I want to go walking through barbed wire and come out bleeding all over the place and I want to fall on the ground and scratch myself up and scream, scream scream SCREAM.
I blame myself for everything. EVERYTHING. I hate myself, I want to royally mess myself up. I won't take action, I won't, I won't kill myself, I won't willingly destroy my life or mess up my grades because I still hope that things will get better, I still want to believe that I'll be happy one day...
But still, the measure of my hatred towards myself is absolutely ridiculous. I just want to destroy myself so badly.
HELP!
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