It's like I'm divided by glass walls between everyone.

It's like I can't knock them down.

And when people try to comfort me and call me amazing and beautiful, I want to tell them, no, I'm a failure.

and when people say I'm beautiful, they're lying.

I'm ugly. I hate looking in the mirror, I HATE it.

I'm so ashamed of myself.

I can't do anything right.

I hate myself.

I'm a lost cause.

Am I a lost cause?

No, probably not, but I'm pretty damn messed up.

I'm just so tired.

I can pretend to be happy so easily. I shouldn't be able to fake it that well. I shouldn't have to.

I can make it look like I'm having the BEST time ever. In fact, sometimes, I get my anger and frustrations out through acting happy. I laugh loud in place of screaming, or I run around and giggle and shout and dance and go crazy, absolutely crazy with laughter and jokes, and I do that in place of me crying and breaking down into a ball on the floor. I always put the smile on when it needs to be on, but it gets harder to get the energy to fake it anymore. I try really hard for my parents not to let any signs of inner turmoil slip through the cracks. While I want help, I don't want to hurt them.

I feel like a burden. Sometimes I ask myself how anybody could love me.